“Cheshbon Nefesh” and the Prayer “Unetaneh Tokef”

“Cheshbon Nefesh” and the Prayer “Unetaneh Tokef”

“Cheshbon Nefesh” - חשבון נפש - “Cheshbon” - means “account,” “Nefesh” - “soul.” “La'asot cheshbon nefesh” means standing before the court of one's own conscience, and sometimes reassessing one's values. “Cheshbon nefesh” is the domain of conscientious, high-minded, deeply principled people. “Cheshbon nefesh” requires spiritual effort. The month of Elul, before Rosh Hashanah, is the ideal time to do so. The Gadol of Minsk taught (zechuto yagen aleinu): “A person is not objective about himself and does not see his own guilt. Consider this: when Rav Huna's wine soured in 400 barrels and the Sages told him that he needed to examine his deeds, he replied: ‘If any of you has heard of something I have done for which I should repent, please tell me.’          But surely we must assume that he first examined his deeds himself, as the Sages had advised him; why, then, did he not discover any sins in himself? Because he interpreted his own misdeeds in his favor and considered himself to be in the right. He confessed only after the Sages pointed out his mistake. Perhaps this is precisely what the verse means: ‘And your ears will hear a word spoken behind you: This is the way; walk in it…’—that is, if you want to understand whether the path you are following is a good one, try to hear and learn what people say about you behind your back, because to your face people are unlikely to tell you the whole truth hidden in their hearts.” “Cheshbon Nefesh” includes the concept of a person's debt to the Creator for all the blessings He has given him. “When a person looks at himself and reflects on how he was created from nothing, solely through the mercy and will of G-d, and understands that, by design, he is superior to animals, plants, and inanimate objects, he will feel obligated to thank his Creator, blessed be He.” (Chovot HaLevavot 8, Rabbi Bachya) How to Make a “Cheshbon Nefesh” You will need: a calendar, a good memory, an upward gaze, and the ability to forgive. A Calendar To conduct a “cheshbon nefesh” for the past 365 days, one must go through the first stage. Recall the months that have passed and the holidays that were celebrated. They will help us reconstruct in our memories all the stages of our lives during the past year. A Good Memory Without a doubt, it is impossible to conduct a “cheshbon nefesh” without a good memory. We must remember all the best things others have done for us and all the good things we have done for others. There is one way to do this: create a “memory patent.” The Ability to Forgive Two friends were walking through the desert when they quarreled along the way. One friend slapped the other. Hurt by this action, one of the friends wrote in the sand: “My very best friend slapped me.” They walked for a long time until they reached an oasis. They decided to swim in a small lake. Suddenly, one of the friends—the one who had been slapped—began to drown. But his best friend saved him. After he recovered, he carved into a stone: “My very best friend saved my life today.” “Why did you write the first statement in the sand but carve the second one into stone?” his best friend asked. “When someone hurts us, we should remember it, but write it in the sand, because the wind of forgiveness will erase it. But when someone does us a kindness, we should carve it into stone so that it will remain in our memory forever.” Looking Upward There is a wise saying recorded in the book “Hayom Yom” by the Lubavitcher Rebbe: “In spiritual matters, one should look upward, toward that which is higher than oneself.”  “But in the material world, one should look downward, toward that which is lower than oneself.” Each of us should compare our spiritual growth and intellectual level with those who are one step ahead of us, so that we can grow. But we should compare the material blessings of this world—a home, a car, expensive clothing—with those whose financial means are more limited than ours.  The Story of the Prayer “Unetaneh Tokef”                  Long ago, a man named Rabbi Amnon lived in the city of Mainz. Everyone in the city knew him. He was honest, kind, wealthy, and influential. One day, courtiers told the rabbi that if he would renounce his faith, the duke was prepared to make him his minister. Rabbi Amnon paid no attention to the courtiers’ words. Soon the duke himself approached him with the same offer, and again Rabbi Amnon refused. Day after day, the duke’s messengers pestered the rabbi, until he asked them to give him three days to consider the matter. When the duke left, Rabbi Amnon was ashamed of what he had said: “There is nothing to consider! How could I renounce my Jewish faith?”                    Rabbi Amnon felt so distressed that he decided to fast. For three days the rabbi ate nothing and became very weak. As a result, he could not arrive at the meeting on time, and the duke ordered that he be brought by force. “Why did you not come and give your answer by the appointed deadline?” “I am guilty. Punish me. Cut out my tongue for having doubted my faith.” “I will not cut out your tongue,” the duke replied. “I will cut off your hands and feet because they refused to carry out my command.” And so it was done: Rabbi Amnon’s fingers and toes were cut off, and, tormented by his suffering, he was carried home. All this happened a few days before the holiday. When the day of Rosh Hashanah arrived, Rabbi Amnon asked to be carried to the Beit HaMikdash. When his request was fulfilled, the synagogue suddenly fell silent. Rabbi Amnon then began to recite a prayer, quietly and slowly. It began with the words: “Unetaneh Tokef”. From that day on, “Unetaneh Tokef” became one of the central and most important prayers of the New Year. The Prayer “Unetaneh Tokef” “Let us speak of the holiness of this day, when You, Ha-Shem, will judge all people. You see all our deeds, both good and evil. You remember everything we have done throughout the year, and You see everything that no one else sees. Just as a shepherd watches over his flock, and all the sheep are equal and alike, so are we equal before You. And we ask ourselves what will happen to us this year. We do not know who will be blessed and who will go hungry. Who will be angry and who will be happy. Who will be surrounded by good friends and who will be alone. Who will do well in school and who will not. Who will help those in need and who will remain indifferent. Who will try to understand friends and parents and who will refuse to listen. We do not know what will happen this year, but we know with certainty that if we help our fellow human beings and all those in need, if we sincerely repent of our misdeeds, and if we offer our prayers wholeheartedly, we will all become better. The Almighty knows this, takes it into account, and judges us according to our deeds.” (Based on the siddur “Majora Ieladim,” Seminario Rabinico)   The gematria of “Cheshbon Nefesh” = 796; “cheshbon” = 366; “nefesh” = 430. Interestingly, 430 is also the gematria of the word “shekel.” This hints at counting through tzedakah.